Have you ever gone out with someone, thought you had a great time and felt really connected?
The conversation seemed to flow, time went by so fast. At the end of the night, when he says I’ll call you, we’ll get together soon, you are so excited! You rush home to call your friends and tell them how great he is. How he has two dogs which is perfect because you have always wanted a dog, but never had a yard. He loves to ski, you love to ski. He is good looking, funny and smart. You two are perfect for each other! As you lay in bed that night you think about him. Finally after all this time, you have met the one! You can see your future together so clearly, the ski vacations, walking the dogs on the beach, sharing the Sunday mornings paper together.
The First Day: You check your phone in anticipation. But by the end of the day he has not called. The Second Day: Still no call. Your friends tell you, remember the 3 day rule. He probably does not want to seem too eager. He will definitely call you tomorrow. The Third Day: You call the same friends and they tell you don’t worry, he is probably just busy. He will call you tomorrow for sure! The Fourth Day: Your friends say, well five days is the new three days so he may call you tomorrow.The Fifth Day. You feel your heart sink into your stomach and you know you are not going to hear from him. And the familiar let down depressed feeling returns.
So what happened?
You had such a great time you laughed, he laughed. Didn’t he feel it too? You were so positive, how could you have been so wrong? Then the thought creeps in, what if there is something wrong with me? First of all there is nothing wrong you. And the fact that he did not call is not a reflection on YOU or your value, worth or desirability. He was not the right fit for you because if he was then he would have called.
The important lesson to be learned here is that the first date and even the first few months of dating is just too soon to decide that he is “The One”. Getting too excited or to discourage over a first date is way too much energy to expend. Remember no matter how well you seemed to connect, he is a relative stranger. Monitoring your excitement level is a sign of emotional maturity. After a great date, the best attitude to have is one of “optimistic curiosity”. Remember the fable about the Zen master, the boy and the horse. . Adopt an attitude of “we’ll see” when you become tempted to start fantasizing about the future. Remember it takes time to get to know someone and you owe it yourself to take your time. You can never lose anything of anyone worth having by waiting. But what you can lose is a lot of valuable time when you get involved too quickly with the wrong guy. And nothing is more painful than wasting years of your life in an unsatisfying relationship. Remember your love is precious so give it wisely!
Dating can be a fun and relaxed way to get to know someone. The less pressure you put on the situation the better time you will have and the less upset you will be if it does not work out. In fact you will feel relieved because you are free to move on and meet your true love, who is just right around the corner waiting for you just as much as you are waiting for him!
Happy Dating!