What are the three magic ingredients for finding love?
Your thoughts, beliefs and actions all need to be in alignment!
HOW YOUR BELIEF’S AFFECT YOUR LIFE.
Many of your beliefs are formed as children as you watch your parents and observe the relationships around you. If your experience with your parents’ relationship was unpleasant- as a child you may have made a vow “I never want that to happen to me”.
Then guess what happens?
Cindy’s dad cheated on her mom numerous times while she was growing up. Each time they would break up, move out and then her dad and mom would get back together to try to make it work. She watched her mom’s pain and suffering every time he cheated again. Finally the relationship ended for good and her dad left her mom for another woman. She saw her mom retreat into an unhappy bitter person, who isolated herself and struggled financially. So Cindy decided she never wanted to experience that herself.
After the divorce, she listened to her mom rant and rave about how all men are cheaters, liars and her life was ruined because of a cheating man.
Guess what happened? Cindy never got married herself instead she ended up in a relationship with a very wealthy married man!
He told her that he had an open marriage and invited her away for an extravagant weekend flying first class, staying at a luxury hotel and fine dining. He took her shopping and bought her expensive clothes, shoes and a designer bag. He introduced her to a life she never imagined.
She told herself it was a one-time fling and she would never do it again. But then he approached her with new and exciting plans so she gave in. Just one more time, and the pattern repeated. Each time she vowed it would be the last and he won her over with expensive gifts and trips.
For the next several years he paid off her mortgage, flew her in private jets to exclusive resorts and set up a secret bank account for her. He also gave her money to travel with her friends to Europe, New York and other exotic destinations when he was with his family.
After several years Cindy grew tired of the situation and also decided she wanted a family of her own. She said if he was not willing to be with her and start a family, she had to leave. So he promised to leave his wife for her
But every time it was supposed to happen, and he was supposed to tell his wife it was over and he would extend the date… until after the holidays, after the kids returned to school for the summer, after his house was refinanced, the excuses continued. Each time, Cindy was devastated. She would break up with him and feel lost and alone. How would she ever find someone who took care of her the way she did. How would she find someone who could give her that kind of lifestyle? She wanted her kids to be raised with all the advantages his children had. So when he would call her, begging her back promising yet again to leave his wife she would take him back.
Fifteen years later nothing with married lover has changed, except that her child-bearing years are over.
As a child she vowed never to be left without money by a man for another women. So instead she became the other woman. Although Cindy maintained her career and her finances, saving and investing the money he gave her to have a nice nest egg, she is now faced with the reality that it is very unlikely she have a child of her own. At the exact same age as Cindy’s dad left her mom “ruining her mom’s life” Cindy finds herself blaming the married man for ruining her life.
Cindy’s belief about men created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Although the story between Cindy and her mom is different, the pattern is the same.
What you pay attention to, what you put your focus on is what you will experience.
Although you may not be aware of your thoughts, they are affecting your life.
Mary met a lot of men but was constantly focusing on what was wrong with them. She would meet a man in the grocery store who would flirt with her and instead of feeling good about it she would feel bad- thinking “I was not even attracted to him”. And then, “I never meet anyone I am attracted to”. She would proceed to think about how there are no good men in her town, attractive men like her and think about all the awful men her friends date and how hard it is to find love.
She would try dating for a month or so but was continually disappointed by the men she met. She did not like the way they approached her in an email, she did not think they were good looking enough, or successful enough or not outgoing enough on their dates.
Soon, she would quit dating and go back to her status quo life thinking “see dating is hopeless there are just no good men out there”.
I know that you may really want to find love but it would be really ideal for Mr. Right’s car to break down in front of your house so you did not have to even leave your home. He would come to your door, take one look at you and the rest is history- your happily ever after! Without lifting a finger to find him. Although this may have happened I have rarely seen women meet their true love this way.
In my experience, in order to accomplish any goal you have to take continuous and inspired action.
If you want to run a marathon you need to actually get out there and run. The people who succeed in completing the 26.2 miles often join a running group, get a training schedule and train over the recommended period of time.
While training, some days running is going to hurt and you are not going to want to do it. But other days the endorphins will kick in and it will feel great and everything will flow.
If you quit during the tough days, you will probably not finish the race, or even enter the race at all. If you try to run the marathon without training you will probably injure yourself and get very hurt.
Finishing that race is not for everyone! It takes time, commitment and perseverance through the tough times when it seems hard or impossible.
Sarah was a gorgeous and attractive professional woman. She was very busy and had a very active life. But she could never seem to find time to date.
She joined an online service but she did not have a lot of time to email. She would start communicating with a man, but then would travel and forget to email back and they would lose touch.
Even if she did meet a man online she was often out of town so often it was difficult to coordinate the dates to actually meet.
On the few dates she went on, she would check her email or take phone calls. Her dates never called her to ask her out again.
She complained about online dating saying it just doesn’t work for me. And she wondered why it was so difficult for her to meet men?
The good news is with the right tools you can change your beliefs, thoughts and actions. If your beliefs, thoughts and actions are in alignment, all the limitations and reasons you can’t find love disappear. Including age!
Take Susan Sarandon. A ground breaking actor with a 40+ year career who was instrumental in changing women’s roles in Hollywood. In an interview with People Magazine she talks about becoming single in her 60s. She is now “collaborating on many different levels” with her constant companion Jonathon Bricklin a man 30 years her junior. What is her secret?
According to Sarandon “…its really more of an attitude. Sexuality means saying yes to life”.
If you have not met your true love yet, I guarantee it is because your thoughts, beliefs and actions are not aligned with finding love.